Affirmations, Aspirations and Astringents

Affirmations designed to bring strength to the soul and a firm nod to the ability to do the impossible. Keep your Balance (shown here), Believe in Yourself, Celebrate your Difference, Trust your Instincts - each on a variety of home decor items and gifts, additions to your collection of keepsakes. These are fine presents to have on hand for just the right moment when a statement is needed for a friend: Believe in Yourself.

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A few months ago, a friend of mine declared that he was chucking everything for a few years to write the Great American Novel. I wished him well, but what do you think? Do we have enough Great American Novels, or has that measure gone with the turn of the century or with the death of James Michener? Do you harken back to the Great American Novels we all had to read in high school, then shudder at the thought of someone adding to those musty stacks?

While I find it commendable that someone would take on this task as a personal dream, and get paid for it (grants!), I admit to a modicum of envy. Why can't I get paid to take off work for three years and READ the Great American Novel?

I've been an avid reader since I was a kid. It was not unusual for me to haul home as many library books as I could carry the distance from the library to our house, read them as fast as possible, then return for more within a few days. It served to broaden my education and viewpoint of the world, the outer worlds and inner dreams, trials of mankind. I seem to recall one librarian being seriously concerned about my eclectic selections and visit frequency. If there were no books left between trips, I would reread the ones I had just read. Card carrying readaholic, and there is no 12-step program or cure.

I've tried my hand at writing, even produced a handful of outlines for books that I would love to read if they were written. Invariably I get sidetracked into the minutiae and nothing more comes of it. Poetry is something I can write all day long, and have.

But, truth be told, my writing muse longs to dwell in the long shadows of such giants as Erma Bombeck, Peg Bracken, Andy Rooney, Bennett Cerf, Mark Twain, Dorothy Parker, Mary Roach, Dave Barry. Quick of wit, deft of phrase, sharp of tongue, inept of screwdriver. They revel in the peril of the everyday life. These monumental minds turn an overflowing sewage tank into a rollicking tales, with heroes and villains and missing goldfish. They take the daily misadventures of life and make them into sweet-and-sour treats. I wish I could turn a phrase with such an adept wit. That's what I want to do when I grow up! Heck with the Great American Novel. I'll settle for Great American Hilarity.

I wonder if I should tell my friend that, if he wishes to write the Great American Novel, he'd best pack his bags and move from the UK to the US... he is British, after all.